Skip to main content
Log in

I Am Right for Your Child!

Tactics for Manipulating Potential Parents-In-Law

  • Published:
Human Nature Aims and scope Submit manuscript

Abstract

Parents and children have converging as well as diverging interests with respect to the latter’s mate choices. Diverging interests frequently result in children choosing mates who do not gain the approval of their parents. Manipulation then arises wherein parents try to drive away undesirable prospective sons- and daughters-in-law, and the latter employ counter manipulation to make the former to change their minds. The present research aims to identify and measure the effectiveness of manipulation tactics that individuals employ to influence their partners’ parents to accept them as mates for their daughters and sons. Study 1 recruited a sample of 106 Greek-Cypriots and, using open-ended questionnaires, identified 41 acts that individuals employ on their partners’ parents. Using principal-components analysis, in a sample of 738 Greek-Cypriots, Study 2 classified these acts into seven broader manipulation tactics and identified the ones that are more and the ones that are less likely to be employed. Study 3 examined in a sample of 414 Greek-Cypriots the effectiveness of these tactics in altering parents’ minds and finds a moderate effectiveness, with some tactics being more effective than others. The implications of these findings are discussed.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this article

Price excludes VAT (USA)
Tax calculation will be finalised during checkout.

Instant access to the full article PDF.

Similar content being viewed by others

References

  • Apostolou, M. (2008). Parent-offspring conflict over mating: the case of beauty. Evolutionary Psychology, 6, 303–315.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2011). Parent-offspring conflict over mating: testing the tradeoffs hypothesis. Evolutionary Psychology, 9, 470–495.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2013). Do as we wish: parental tactics of mate choice manipulation. Evolutionary Psychology, 11, 795–813.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2014). Sexual selection under parental choice: The evolution of human mating behavior. Hove: Psychology Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2015). Accept my choices, but I will not accept yours! Children’s tactics of mate choice manipulation. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 9, 128–139.

  • Apostolou, M., & Papageorgi, I. (2014). Parental mate choice manipulation tactics: exploring prevalence, sex and personality effects. Evolutionary Psychology, 12, 588–620.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M., Philippou, D., Andronikou, Z., Argyridou, K., Kasapi, K., Kourouklari, I., & Antoniou, A. (2014). Divergence between in-law and mate preferences: evolved predispositions or socialization and experience effects? Personality and Individual Differences, 70, 57–61.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M., Kasapi, K., & Arakliti, A. (2015). Will they do as we wish? An investigation of the effectiveness of parental manipulation on mating behavior. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 1, 28–36.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Broude, G. J., & Green, S. J. (1983). Cross-cultural codes on husband-wife relationships. Ethnology, 22, 263–280.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M. (1987). Selection, evocation and manipulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 1214–1221.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M. (1992). Manipulation in close relationships: five personality factors in interactional context. Journal of Personality, 60, 477–499.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). From vigilance to violence: mate retention tactics in married couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 346–361.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M., Gomes, M., Higgins, D. S., & Lauterbach, K. (1987). Tactics of manipulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1219–1229.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buunk, A. P., Park, J. H., & Dubbs, S. L. (2008). Parent-offspring conflict in mate preferences. Review of General Psychology, 12, 47–62.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • de Miguel, A., & Buss, D. M. (2011). Mate retention tactics in Spain: personality, sex differences, and relationship status. Journal of Personality, 79, 563–586.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ikels, C. (1985). Parental perspectives on the significance of marriage. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 47, 253–264.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D. S., & Buss, D. M. (2008). The daughter guarding hypothesis: parental influence on, and emotional reaction to, offspring’s mating behavior. Evolutionary Psychology, 6, 217–233.

    Google Scholar 

  • Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D. S., & Buss, D. M. (2011). Meet the parents: parent-offspring convergence and divergence in mate preferences. Personality and Individual Differences, 50, 253–258.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sussman, M. B. (1953). Parental participation in mate selection and its effect upon family continuity. Social Forces, 1, 76–81.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Trivers, R. (1974). Parent-offspring conflict. American Zoologist, 24, 249–264.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Weisfeld, et al. (2011). Sex differences and similarities in married couples: patterns across and within cultures. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40, 1165–1172.

    Article  Google Scholar 

Download references

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank two anonymous reviewers for their constructive feedback which enabled me to improve this work.

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

Authors

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Menelaos Apostolou.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this article

Apostolou, M. I Am Right for Your Child!. Hum Nat 26, 378–391 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12110-015-9241-8

Download citation

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s12110-015-9241-8

Keywords

Navigation